It's the little things that mean the most.

Its all in us to defy expectations and to go into the world and to be brave. and to want. and to need. and to hunger for adventures. to embrace change. and chance. and risk. so that we may breathe and know that we are free. this week has definitely been one to remember. lots of bonding, laughing, learning, and loving-- its been a week of reflection, decision making, understanding, and progress. I felt closer to my kids and Mama and Baba this past week than I have ever before.  This morning, we went to a funeral in a town about an hour away— mama came into my room last night and told me "Neema, there was a death in the family, we have the funeral tomorrow— wear black if you have something black if not, you will wear a kanga of mine" Mama Mende, who is mama's sister, lost her mother in law, Bibi Beatrice last night… she was very close with all of the kids and mama and the family— Mama didn't bring the other wazungu that are staying here with us or anything.. she didn't even mention it to them. but she said it to me like she EXPECTED me there as a member of the family. and I was the only white individual there with over 200 Tanzanian individuals. It was such a beautiful ceremony and while i didn't understand everything they said because they speak swahili sooo fast, i was able to pick up on some of it and really enjoyed being there with mama. I love how mama speaks to me in swahili now and introduces me as "mtoto wangu" which means "my child". 4 of the older guy orphans who are my age were there today with us and after the ceremony and lunch etc, I was walking around looking for Mama mende, her husband, and their three kids to be there to support them and Baba just thought I was lost or something and pointed up the hill and said "kaka wake kule" which means "your brothers are over there" I smiled and walked over and sat down with my brothers and chatted. being a mzungu usually puts you in such a position that you can't blend in— everyone is always pointing you out as a mzungu and so you cant really stay under the radar… but today, I did. It didn't seem as if I was any different from anyone else. I sang the prayers and Hymns in swahili, held my mama's purse for her the way children do for their mothers here, spoke swahili when i was spoken to, and fit in as if I was a local. I felt a sense of love, comfort, and belonging.

A student may not remember the things that you taught them but they will never forget the way you made them feel.  I have spent every morning teaching english and math to some of the kids. it is AMAZING how much the want to learn and how eager they are for me to help them. jonas, lucky, and tumaini did tenses and vocabulary this week. i taught them a wide variety of different words to describe themselves, how they are feeling, and to describe others. in tanzania, when you ask someone "how are you" the answer is always "good" its like they don't feel that they have the choice to say that they are anything other than good. i showed them Urmila's curriculum book and told them that there are many other ways to feel and to express yourself. one of the words i taught the kids was "compassionate" and when i finished explaining it, Jonas looked at me with this little confused look on his face and said "so.. compassionate is like what you are right???" it was the cutest thing. I started working with little 5 year old Derricki on his spelling and reading this week. We worked together for a couple of hours this week— I would say a word to him and then he had to write it down— we did over 200 words this week— and he got about 180 of them correct. These were long words and he applied the same technique of sounding out each syllable and writting them down bit by bit on the paper— it was so amazing to watch him light up every time he got the words correct. and honestly, i felt such a sense of happiness and joy for him because there is nothing more exciting than working hard and having that effort pay off— i made sure that he was WELL aware of how great of a job he did and how proud of him I was. He skipped recess and snack time and asked me if I would stay with him and give him more words to spell. He told me "neema, I love to learn". I looked at him and told him that he was a brilliant little boy and that if he keeps working hard and holds onto his drive, all of his dreams can come true and he can be anyone he wants to be. he said nothing back to me afterwards… he just smiled at me.


"May the wind always be on your back and the sun upon your face. May the winds of destiny carry you off to go and dance with the stars" Johnny Depp
the other night, Lucky and Jonas and I were finishing a movie in my room. us three were all cuddled up in my bed. i had my arms around both of them with pendo at my feet. as they rested their heads on my chest, i felt every little bit of stress or worry or anything negative literally escape my body and i immediately felt a smile appear on my face. i kissed them both on the top of their heads and then they glanced up at me and smiles back. I wasn't even watching the movie. I was sitting there dreaming of the future and thinking about what it has in store for these two amazing children. As of this week, I am officially sponsoring both Jonas and Lucky in school— I pay for their school fees which include uniform and books etc— I couldn't be more thrilled to be able to help out two kids who I love so dearly and to send them to an English Medium Primary Private school… When I told mama that I decided I wanted to sponsor the boys, she was BEYOND thrilled. Money has been really tight and school fees are due this week and next week— me sponsoring the boys took a large chunk of stress off her shoulders, even though she still has about 20 students fees to pay:( but still, she was so excited and Lucky and Jonas were thrilled as well because they know that if I am willing to pay money for them to go to school, that means that i believe in them.. which i do. so much. I went to arusha this week to meet with Davi and Saaj, Urmila's friends from Toto Aid to discuss them sponsoring some of the orphans for secondary school. I thoroughly enjoyed my time with them in Arusha and will be going back within the next few weeks to meet with them again :) I love how much work we do to make sure the kids are getting the best education possible.

"The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams and are willing to get their hands dirty to get there" with everyday that i passes, I tell myself  that I could never imagine being any happier than I am right now but then the next day rolls around and I find that I'm proven wrong in that things just keep getting better and better around here and i some how have reached this like overpowering level of happiness that even i, little bubbly, energetic neema didn't think was achievable. i never thought i could be so happy waking up at 6am every day, taking freezing cold "showers" with my bucket and my cup to pour water on myself, using my little squatty potty toilet which is literally a hole in the ground in my bathroom… i never thought id enjoy sitting on the ground with a bucket in between my knees doing my laundry with a bar of soap--- scrubbing the dirt out of my clothes daily until my hands are beyond freezing and pruney from the water. and then hanging them to dry with a sense of accomplishment knowing that i did them myself instead of paying someone to do it the way other wazungu (visitors) usually do. i still have so practicing to do in that department-- its always a problem when i go to hang my clothes on the clothes line because my hands are so cold from the water, i have a tendency to drop at least on article of my newly washed and wet clothing into the dust and dirt on the ground. but then the kids always laugh and it makes it totally worth it. Josephine, Ericki's mom, told me the other morning that the orphans all say they have never met a "mzungu" which is a foreigner or white person, like me...she said "you are so different from all other wazungu" when i asked her why, she said "you love to help out.. you like to do your own laundry, you like to help cook, and you love to learn... other volunteers have never taken the time to learn to cook, do laundry, or speak swahili the way you do.. and most importantly, you're the only one who keeps her promises and comes back" my eyes watered up when she was saying all this and she laughed at me because she knows i always tear up when people say nice things to me… I was thinking about what she said to me and its funny because i have always loved to learn and i guess it just seems natural for me to help out.. i mean, that is why i am here..



Your life is your message to the world. make sure its inspiring…
we have had like 4 different groups of 20+ volunteers come and meet the orphans and talk with us and play with the kids. We always start with an introduction and mama first introduces herself and then always introduces me, sometimes as a volunteer, sometimes as a care giver, and sometimes as her daughter. She then turns the reins over to me to tell the Tuleeni story to the volunteers in english or sometimes she tells it and i translate to english for her. mama told me she loves the way I smile when I tell the Tuleeni story and that my passion and love for this family and for the children shines through as each word comes out of my mouth. I always laugh and tell her mama, it's not my mouth speaking… it's my heart. Her, the kids, the community. Everyone here has made such an impact on my life and there is no way I could ever go back to the person I used to be. One of the volunteers who had come with a group to visit Tuleeni was about 13 or 14 and she told me that when she grew up, she wanted to be just like me… i was so touched and so thrilled that i could be an inspiration to someone. Standing there talking to these volunteers and telling them my story made it all feel so real. they wanted to know why I do the things I do and what brought me to Tuleeni. i told them "its been a really long journey. like goes back to the time when i was little.. i have always wanted to make a change. and people have told me that my dreams are too big and that i couldn't do it alone and it takes more than one person to make a difference. well the only reason i am still standing here talking to you today is because i never let the voices and opinions of others discourage my dream…" because its the ones who are crazy enough to think that they can change the world who actually do. I got asked the question "are you moving here permanently?" on a number of occasions… im a moving here. that part of the question has a definite answer. the permanently part throws a little curve though. my parents have paved a nice path for me. a great family, a wonderful jewish community, so many friends, and so many different things to get involved with… and ultimately, i know they want me to come home and live in this world they made for me… but id be lying if i said that is the life i want for myself.  A wise person once told me "do not follow where the path leads but instead, go where there is no path and leave a trail. I love doing the expected. because thats who i am. and I refuse to do what others want me to do or to do anything JUST BECAUSE its what i am SUPPOSED to do. I will not let anyone's opinion or reaction to my decisions dictate my next move. while people were asking me questions, this girl said to me "have you ever heard that andy warhol quote that said 'im afraid if i look at something for too long, it will lose all of its meaning'?" being as addicted to quotes as i am, i have heard this before but never thought about it in relation to me moving to tanzania and how a huge reason tanzania is so amazing to me is because it is so different from what i am used to. I can see where he is coming from in this quote but as far as tanzania goes, there is so much here for me to learn and see and so many more experiences awaiting my arrival and the meaning and value behind this place gets bigger every day.



"If there is ever a tomorrow that we are not together, there is one thing you should always remember— you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem and smarter than you think. But most importantly, if we are ever apart, you will always be in my heart and I will always love you" One night this week, I was laying on my bed listening to music and petting pendo and the song "Never Alone" by Lady Antebellum came on. I hope the children know that they are NEVER alone and that i am always here for them.. whether i am in the same room as them or half a world away in America. while i was listening to this song, i realized another reason why i am so happy here. there is no such thing as loneliness here. there is so much love circulating and so many people who want to know you and want to love you and want to be you friend. i walk down the streets and all the people in the village pop they heads out of their huts and holler "Mambo Neema!" the children all run over and hug me and i feel so welcomed. Everyday i eat my meals at the orphanage or at mama Freddy's or Mama Jacobo's place-- these are two mamas who live in rau right near the orphanage where you can go and sit and eat. they run these little businesses from their homes and cook the best food. mama jacobo lives RIGHT next door to us and so i see her five times a day. i swear she is just as excited to see me every time as i am to see her.. she has become very protective over me and like a mom to me. she doesn't know a word of english so i am forced to speak swahili which is great and has really helped me learn. i hope the people here know how much they mean to me. not just the children. but everyone. its the little things. like when i am walking in the village and people i don't even know say Hi neema!! i hope they know how much i look forward  toto stopping by each one of their shops every morning when I'm out walking Pendo JUST so i can see their bright shining face and get my hugs and kisses. Most people think I'm crazy for wanting to live here permanently. And maybe I am. but live here is good. Like really good. And my days aren't fogged with drama and gossip and materialistic things that occupy the minds of so many individuals back in America. Everything I do here matters. I am important here and I am needed. I get to spend my days working and teaching and seeing smiles appear on beautiful faces all day long and each one is more beautiful than the one that came before it. and the funny thing is, I do the same stuff every day and it never gets old. I love not spending my days sleeping in, doing my hair and makeup, and deciding which outfit to wear and if i feel cute or not etc… i love not being surrounded by shopping malls and expensive restaurants. I love not seeing billboards every 5 feet and asphalt highways that go on for days. I love my long skirts, my dirty feet, my messy hair, my huge smile, my bumpy dirt roads, my mosquito net, the sounds of all the animals under the moonlight— the dogs barking at the moon, the cows and goats calling out, the ducks and chickens squawking, and the crickets and locusts humming and chirping… and the moon and the stars here.. they are truly breathtaking. The moon truly lights up the night because it is so bright. I could lay under the moon and stars with my kids for hours. we find joy in all of the simplest things in life.

Home is not the place that you were born or the place that you live. But it is the place where they understand you. Family isn't always blood. its the people in your life who want you in theirs. The ones who accept you for who you are. the ones who would do anything to see you smile. and who love you no matter what.