every good story has a dog

I'm here not because I'm supposed to be here, not because someone made me come here and or not because I'm trapped here. I'm here because I'd rather be with yall than with any other people in the entire world. That's why I am here.

I went on the most amazing adventure with 9 of my older boys yesterday-- Jonas, lucky, shedrack, tumaini, baracka, amani, Dominique, and James-- and our dog chapati went all the way there and back with us. It was so far and he still followed us and stayed with us through the woods. We went down to the river to fish to catch food for dinner. I will post pictures and details tomorrow. But seeing chapati run along side of us made me think of pendo...I have been talking to my parents about trying to bring pendo home with me at the end of the summer. They said they would look into it and I began trying to find out stuff online about bringing a pet from Africa to America. Pendo is too big now to fit under my seat on the airplane and so she would have to go with cargo which will cost me so much money. My dad asked me why I felt it necessary to bring her to America and that maybe I should let her stay here and be part of my world here. I could do that, but with the way animals are treated in Africa, there is no telling if she will still be alive or healthy or anything when I come back. The doctor told me when i first found her that if i had left her where i found her and didnt bring her in for her shots and to get dewormed etc, she would have died. Everyone here always says "pendo, kwenda na mama yako" which means "go to your mom" and at this point, she def thinks I am her mom. I feed her, bathe her, make sure she is drinking clean water, give her toys and treats, and put a roof over her head at night time so she doesn't get hurt by the other dogs that fight at night. She sleeps in my bed and wakes up at the crack of dawn to go to the bathroom. Regardless of the time, I get up and take her outside and then she comes galloping back into the house and licks my face. My Dad told me that I have to also realize that if I pay $1000 to get her back to America, that's $1000 i could be spending on the children here. While I obviously want everything and more for my kids, and I turn myself inside outside and upside down for their well being, I have been told I have to take care of myself too. And while I have managed to get through the months in America ok in the past, each time I come here, my bond with the land, the children, the community, etc gets stronger and makes it harder and harder for me to walk away and focus on my life in America. We all know that dogs make great company and can be the best companion when we are feeling lonely. So not only will pendo keep me company the way any other dog would, but her name is pendo which means love in swahili and every time I say her name I'll think of Africa and smile and being around her all the time will remind me of all the memories I had with her in Africa and it will make me feel close. Close to the kids. Close to Africa. Close to
Mama and baba. close to my memories. And close to that feeling over 100% satisfaction and happiness that i feel when i am here. My mom keeps telling me she understands how I feel, and no offense to her or anyone else but no one understands how I feel because they haven't been here. Not just how i feel about leaving pendo, but how i feel about leaving africa. They haven't lived my summer and haven't grown as a person through experiences here. Most of them have no clue what it feels like to not have enough money to pay for the necessities one needs to survive. I'm not talking about a phone or a computer or a car or anything of that sort. I'm talking about having to decide whether you should feed yourself first or your children because there isnt enough money to feed both of you. I gave Sabina some rice and beans the other day. She came to me like 2 hours later and told me she was starving and she hadn't eaten all day. I looked at her confused and asked "what happens to that plate of rice and beans?" she said "I gave it to Alan Edward and Samson to eat. They were starving" these are her three children. Here is an 18year old child having to make decisions no person, especially not a child, should ever have to make.

This weekend, malaika came to surprise the kids for one day Yesterday morning she left and as I was driving her to the bus station, I was thinking about how I only have a few weeks left here and how much it's going to break my heart leaving these kids again. But it's not just the kids i will miss... It's everything. It's the smiles and the greetings from every person who you pass on the street... It's the culture. It's the modesty and honesty. It's The laughter. The giggling children playing with water bottles and sticks as toys... It's the satisfaction with all the little things in life. It's the adventure and thrill I feel every morning when I wake up. It's going to bed at night knowing that I will not only see my kids in my dreams but they will be there to greet me at the crack of dawn when I wake up in the morning. It's cooking dinner on wooden logs with flashlights under the stars. It's the unexpected moments that become the best memories. Its feeling alive and knowing that im living and not just merely existing. It's working to earn my keep. It's appreciation. Dedication. Curiosity and strength. Its giVing every child and person a voice and a choice and showing them that this life is theres to live. It's the little boy or girl who sees me walking and runs over to me and holds my hand and smiles while we walk even though we have never met and I'm a complete stranger. It's speaking Swahili and being a part of something bigger than myself. It's teaching. It's being neema. It's greeting mama and baba every day after work and bringing them food and chai after a long day of work. There is a high level of respect here for those who are older than you. I love catering to mama and baba the way an African child would. I never thought that of all the amazing trips my family has taken me on, that my favorite place ive ever been would be the least luxurious of them all and the complete opposite of what you would think a "vacation" would entail. I never knew I could love working and teaching and studying and walking so much. This place has truly become home and I can't wait to make it my home after I finish school. I always tell the kids, I may go Away for a little while but I will always come back. Always